People may think Dave and I are weird, crazy, extreme or too religious. And maybe we are all of those things to you. But to us we are getting our lives, health and energy back. We are only in our 20's and already we have 3 children, a very full time career(Dave's a youth pastor and I'm a stay at home mom..if you don't think that's a job we will chat later), a social life and aside from youth ministry we are very active with other activities within the church.
As most of you have read we just moved to Presque Isle in July and since then its just been a constant motion of change in our house. Before we moved I can without a doubt say, I had an addiction to food in regards to making me feel better. Having 3 kids back to back can really do a number on your body and I struggled with post pardon depression since my 2nd son was born in October of 2008. When I was feeling lonely I would call on Ben and Jerry...I think you get it. And all social events with friends and family always revolved around food. When I or one of my girlfriends had a bad day we would meet at Panera and stuff ourselves or if it was someones birthday we would go to a restaurant and eat! Now I'm not saying going out to eat with friends is bad or family gatherings with food is terrible but what I am saying is it got to be the focus of every gathering we went to. Can you think of a party you went to and not had food? Baby shower, birthday, anniversary, super bowl......and what kinds of food were there? Chicken fingers, salad, pizza, pasta, fish etc etc I have come to a place in life where I will not let myself be dictated by food. Notice I didn't say "I wouldn't let food dictate me," Food can not dictate anything. It has no will, power or emotions...YOU DO, WE DO! We choose what to put in our body's and what to feed our souls. I started to make Judah's baby food for him because I wanted him to get the best parts of food before chemicals got injected in. Why don't we feel the same way about ourselves? Why don't we want that for us just like we do for our kids. Do we not see the value in us like we do in our children?
So Dave and I have adapted a new way of eating for our family. And so far its been wonderful. We watched a documentary called Forks Over Knives on Netflix and it changed our view of what goes into our bodies and how it can affect us in the long run. I can tell you first hand I feel different, I sleep different, I parent different. It had changed my life for the better. We have eliminated anything animal based from our diets. No meat or dairy. I don't miss a thing. Me the meat loving, cheese eating,cooking and baking machine herself has none in her daily diet. And I'm still alive! You think I could never do that!!!! YES YOU COULD if you got the point of being so fed up with feeling tired, moody, achy, having a foggy mind and not to mention an increasing waist line, then yes you could do it.
I'm not gonna lie and tell you I don't have days where I crave that burger from McDonald's or Pizza but instead of giving in I make something like it just vegetarian/vegan style. I am thinking about blogging some of the recipes I have used and whether I liked them or not. What do you think? Would you even come back to check them out? :)
In closing, I don't want anyone reading this to think, I think the world should adapt this way of eating, some places already do but I am saying that its time we take a look at what we are made up of. In the Bible it says, "We are the temples of the Holy Spirit." What do you put in a temple? The very best of things right? Well why aren't we putting the very best in our walking and talking temples? Just something for you to think about....
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
"Quiet you with his love"
Still: motionless, at rest, free from sound or noise. This word is bouncing around my brain and has been since last night. What is being still really like? Do I ever allow myself to be still with the Lord or my family? If not why?
Have you ever looked at your son or daughter and said, " would you please just sit still?!" Do you ever think the Lord says that to us? Have you ever said, "Can you please stop talking over me and just listen to my words?" Do you think Jesus longs for our mouths to be silent but our hearts to be open and still to listen? Of course he does but in our business and stress of life we can't NOT put that one load of laundry in or not do the dishes in the sink. We have to have our house vacuumed, dusted and kids fed and clothed by 7 even on days off where we could stay in our pjs till the next day if we wanted to. Why do we keep ourselves so busy with to do lists, reminders of appointments or worry. I honestly don't have a solid answer for these questions. For every one of us its different. I will be open and honest with myself and everyone else. I feel that if I'm not busy then I'm not really worth anything or I don't contribute anything to my home and if I allow myself to sit in my living room with a cup of coffee and my journal just listening to God speak to me or just be in the silence I am not taking care of my family. If I am not in constant motion with my brain thinking of every little task I need to get done then I am lazy or depressed.
I have come to the realization that, ITS NOT TRUE! We were created to rest and be still. Even God when he created the UNIVERSE you know the big planet we live on, he took an ENTIRE DAY to rest and be silent. in Psalm 46 it says, " Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD." I have had to ask myself do I really KNOW he is God? Do I really know he loves me? In Zephaniah 3:17 it says," The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE, he will rejoice over you with singing." One way the Lord shows his love is the ability for us to be quiet and still. To not open your mouth but open your heart and hear that still small voice encourage you, romance you and comfort you where ever you are in your life.
I thought I learnt this already?! The move was a huge struggle for me, still is at times. But I can remember this one day. I had come to the end of myself. I sat on the Fancy's floor and just screamed and cried and kicked my feet. I yelled to the Lord," Where are you?! I don't have a home,my children don't have a home. Is this what you have for us? Where are you?" That was my every day for a month mono-log with the Lord. Notice I said mono-log. I did all the talking, screaming and crying. There was silence on his end, so I thought. But this one day I listened longer then 10 seconds, I had my mouth closed long enough for him to say," you haven't been still or quiet long enough for me to talk. You want to provide a home and a life for your family. But my ways are higher then yours and my thoughts are wiser then yours." OUCH!! He was obviously right. Within a week we had a home.
I say all that to say, I'm only human and I am even now saying Lord where are you? I miss hearing you but I've been looking at myself and thinking back to how much Resting in HIM I'm doing and I can honestly say, this dog hasn't learnt a new trick yet. I still struggle with being STILL and letting him show me, grow me and love me through quietness.
I have come to the realization that, ITS NOT TRUE! We were created to rest and be still. Even God when he created the UNIVERSE you know the big planet we live on, he took an ENTIRE DAY to rest and be silent. in Psalm 46 it says, " Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD." I have had to ask myself do I really KNOW he is God? Do I really know he loves me? In Zephaniah 3:17 it says," The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE, he will rejoice over you with singing." One way the Lord shows his love is the ability for us to be quiet and still. To not open your mouth but open your heart and hear that still small voice encourage you, romance you and comfort you where ever you are in your life.
I thought I learnt this already?! The move was a huge struggle for me, still is at times. But I can remember this one day. I had come to the end of myself. I sat on the Fancy's floor and just screamed and cried and kicked my feet. I yelled to the Lord," Where are you?! I don't have a home,my children don't have a home. Is this what you have for us? Where are you?" That was my every day for a month mono-log with the Lord. Notice I said mono-log. I did all the talking, screaming and crying. There was silence on his end, so I thought. But this one day I listened longer then 10 seconds, I had my mouth closed long enough for him to say," you haven't been still or quiet long enough for me to talk. You want to provide a home and a life for your family. But my ways are higher then yours and my thoughts are wiser then yours." OUCH!! He was obviously right. Within a week we had a home.
I say all that to say, I'm only human and I am even now saying Lord where are you? I miss hearing you but I've been looking at myself and thinking back to how much Resting in HIM I'm doing and I can honestly say, this dog hasn't learnt a new trick yet. I still struggle with being STILL and letting him show me, grow me and love me through quietness.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
School is now in session
Its been WAY to long since I spewed my brain in a blog and today seems as good as any to let it loose. As you already know its been quite the summer for us. Dave quitting his nice stable and predictable job, us moving away from all of our family and friends to practically Canada, Noah having a very hard time adjusting and starting school...the list could go on. So through all of that I obviously learned a lot about myself, Dave and I and our kids. I have learned that nothing is as it seems and can never be the same again. Which in most cases is good and we can live with but in some cases its still just really painful.
When your in school your told you will never stop learning, and they are right. And the same goes for when you are a believer of Christ. You will never stop learning about yourself, no matter how good you think your doing or how "adjusted" you think you are. There is always more to take in and discover. Now this is all fine and good for some one who likes to learn. I on the other hand could live without it most of the time. I have just been in a constant state of discovery, through painful and stretching tests and trials. One lesson I am learning now is life goes on even when I'm not around. I had a great group of friends back home. The best actually, and as I write this I am crying because I miss them with every fiber of my being. But anyways, at any moment if any one of us needed to break away and have some girl time all we needed to do was text each other and say "panera date" and we all knew we needed each other. No matter what we had planned we would drop our lives to listen, laugh, cry or get mad...together. I watch as they make plans and tell stories of times they were all together and laugh with them and be happy for them but can't help feeling so alone. I know I am still in the same state but I mine as well be in the next universe with how far away I feel from all of them now. I am a Israelite in the desert.
Another lesson is my happiness can only come from the Lord. Moving away from everything familiar and comfortable makes you cling to anything and everything that is familiar. So of course my children are clinging to me for comfort, support, acceptance...but instead of me turning to the Lord I have turned to Dave and since he is human has let me down time after time, which isn't his fault. Being in ministry is a very hard job and deff not for the faint of heart. Its long hours, no weekends, can't plan anything cause with a phone call it can all change. This is all very hard to get use to and even harder thrown together with the fact that I have been moved away from everyone I would run to with all these changes and fill my loneliness with. I am learning that the Lord can and will turn my sorrow into Joy and he has directed my path and has planned this since before I was in my mothers womb. But still some days it just doesn't sink in.
So for now, in my life school is STILL in session and I am learning every day a little bit more about myself and how much I really DON"T know about myself, how much the Lord really DOES watch over me and how every SECOND of my being is planned and ordained by the Lord. No matter how hard, lonely or how much I cry, get mad and frustrated with my situation. HE planned this for me and my family for SUCH A TIME AS THIS.
When your in school your told you will never stop learning, and they are right. And the same goes for when you are a believer of Christ. You will never stop learning about yourself, no matter how good you think your doing or how "adjusted" you think you are. There is always more to take in and discover. Now this is all fine and good for some one who likes to learn. I on the other hand could live without it most of the time. I have just been in a constant state of discovery, through painful and stretching tests and trials. One lesson I am learning now is life goes on even when I'm not around. I had a great group of friends back home. The best actually, and as I write this I am crying because I miss them with every fiber of my being. But anyways, at any moment if any one of us needed to break away and have some girl time all we needed to do was text each other and say "panera date" and we all knew we needed each other. No matter what we had planned we would drop our lives to listen, laugh, cry or get mad...together. I watch as they make plans and tell stories of times they were all together and laugh with them and be happy for them but can't help feeling so alone. I know I am still in the same state but I mine as well be in the next universe with how far away I feel from all of them now. I am a Israelite in the desert.
Another lesson is my happiness can only come from the Lord. Moving away from everything familiar and comfortable makes you cling to anything and everything that is familiar. So of course my children are clinging to me for comfort, support, acceptance...but instead of me turning to the Lord I have turned to Dave and since he is human has let me down time after time, which isn't his fault. Being in ministry is a very hard job and deff not for the faint of heart. Its long hours, no weekends, can't plan anything cause with a phone call it can all change. This is all very hard to get use to and even harder thrown together with the fact that I have been moved away from everyone I would run to with all these changes and fill my loneliness with. I am learning that the Lord can and will turn my sorrow into Joy and he has directed my path and has planned this since before I was in my mothers womb. But still some days it just doesn't sink in.
So for now, in my life school is STILL in session and I am learning every day a little bit more about myself and how much I really DON"T know about myself, how much the Lord really DOES watch over me and how every SECOND of my being is planned and ordained by the Lord. No matter how hard, lonely or how much I cry, get mad and frustrated with my situation. HE planned this for me and my family for SUCH A TIME AS THIS.
Friday, March 18, 2011
...our life, and we love it!
Wow has it been a while since I last wrote! Lots has been going on and life is taking some interesting turns. First and foremost I can say I am still in the gym and working out at home some too! This has been the longest stretch of me going to gym and watching what I eat, I will admit I should do better at that but I just love food! I love making it, buying it and now selling it! I'll get to the selling it part later. But I have been toying with the idea of buying a bikini for the summer and wearing it as motivation for the gym....well I did that last night and let me tell you it deff motivated me! I can honestly say it didn't look that bad which is a deff plus. I saw where my trouble spots still are and talked to Dave about what I can do to focus in on those areas. So I am heading in the right direction. I would like it to be faster but being a mom of 3 I can't get to the gym every day like I would like. So I'm still chipping away at this old bod!
I recently started a new adventure for myself. I am now a Tastefully Simple consultant. If you don't know what it is I will tell you! Its a company that created yummy foods that require 3 or fewer ingredients to any of the dips, batters, breads or drinks we have to offer. I have never been a person to want to go into strangers homes, sell them things and book more parties and sell more things. I have always had a very big issue with myself and how people see me. So I never had the confidence in myself to do something like this. Its really strange but since I had Olivia and turned 25 I have a whole new outlook on life. I see things like I have never seen them before. I want to get myself in shape for me, my husband and children so I can be around for them and also look nice for myself. Yes I am a stay at home mom but I want a business that I create, maintain and only I can understand and be good at. I didn't get to finish college or start a career that I could be really good at. So I figure this is the next best thing and I get to stay home with my children who need me.
Speaking of children who need me, We are going through some eye opening stuff with Noah and its breaking my heart. Noah has always been an active child. He has loved to move and talk since he was physically able to do so. Lately he has been out of control at home and at school. He can't sit and pay attention to pretty much anything, he always has to be moving some part of his body or making some sort of noise. And he has been particularly testy in the area of obedience these last couple of weeks. I have been praying and asking the Lord if its an obedience issue or development or diet. I have been at my end trying everything with him. Well I got called into meet with his preschool teacher yesterday and she confirmed something that has been in my head for a few months now. He could possibly have some sensory issues that need to be address with our pediatrician. He has not been able to participate with the other kids at what they call circle time and is missing out on learning and being on the same level as other kids. Circle time is when they sit down for an extended period of time and listen and interact, all while sitting. Noah can not do this on a level that he should be able to at his age. So his teacher suggested Dave and I keep Noah back a year and repeat this whole year of preschool again. As a mom, I immediately blame myself. As she was talking yesterday all I could hear in m head was...I failed him, I don't pay enough attention to him, I don't teach him anything at home, he's going to be behind all the friends he made at school and they could someday think he's stupid. As I'm writing this I just cry because its so hard to deal with the fact that your child is struggling with something you can't take away. My head has been spinning since I left that meeting and my heart weighs about 100lbs, I'm so torn on what to do. I know what I would like to happen is for him to wake up and be able to handle stimulation and transitions from play time to learning time but he just can't. So I have to do whats in the best interest for Noah and keep him back and have him repeat this year and see what comes of it. Its whats best for him and thats all I need to focus on. So from here we go to the drs in a couple weeks and talk to them about getting him evaluated at CDS to see if he has more of a sensory issue that needs to be dealt with through occupational therapy or if we can change things at home and help him that way. I am so thankful for the school that Noah is at because they really curve their curriculum around the student and really pay attention to areas that they are great in and not so great. And I know that if his teacher is saying something is off then I trust her completely. Its all just hard to handle.
So in closing I'm sure you can figure out life is taking us some pretty interesting places and we have no idea whats up the road next for us but we are taking it one day at a time and enjoying the ride, even if its painful and heart wrenching at times. Its our life and we love it!
I recently started a new adventure for myself. I am now a Tastefully Simple consultant. If you don't know what it is I will tell you! Its a company that created yummy foods that require 3 or fewer ingredients to any of the dips, batters, breads or drinks we have to offer. I have never been a person to want to go into strangers homes, sell them things and book more parties and sell more things. I have always had a very big issue with myself and how people see me. So I never had the confidence in myself to do something like this. Its really strange but since I had Olivia and turned 25 I have a whole new outlook on life. I see things like I have never seen them before. I want to get myself in shape for me, my husband and children so I can be around for them and also look nice for myself. Yes I am a stay at home mom but I want a business that I create, maintain and only I can understand and be good at. I didn't get to finish college or start a career that I could be really good at. So I figure this is the next best thing and I get to stay home with my children who need me.
Speaking of children who need me, We are going through some eye opening stuff with Noah and its breaking my heart. Noah has always been an active child. He has loved to move and talk since he was physically able to do so. Lately he has been out of control at home and at school. He can't sit and pay attention to pretty much anything, he always has to be moving some part of his body or making some sort of noise. And he has been particularly testy in the area of obedience these last couple of weeks. I have been praying and asking the Lord if its an obedience issue or development or diet. I have been at my end trying everything with him. Well I got called into meet with his preschool teacher yesterday and she confirmed something that has been in my head for a few months now. He could possibly have some sensory issues that need to be address with our pediatrician. He has not been able to participate with the other kids at what they call circle time and is missing out on learning and being on the same level as other kids. Circle time is when they sit down for an extended period of time and listen and interact, all while sitting. Noah can not do this on a level that he should be able to at his age. So his teacher suggested Dave and I keep Noah back a year and repeat this whole year of preschool again. As a mom, I immediately blame myself. As she was talking yesterday all I could hear in m head was...I failed him, I don't pay enough attention to him, I don't teach him anything at home, he's going to be behind all the friends he made at school and they could someday think he's stupid. As I'm writing this I just cry because its so hard to deal with the fact that your child is struggling with something you can't take away. My head has been spinning since I left that meeting and my heart weighs about 100lbs, I'm so torn on what to do. I know what I would like to happen is for him to wake up and be able to handle stimulation and transitions from play time to learning time but he just can't. So I have to do whats in the best interest for Noah and keep him back and have him repeat this year and see what comes of it. Its whats best for him and thats all I need to focus on. So from here we go to the drs in a couple weeks and talk to them about getting him evaluated at CDS to see if he has more of a sensory issue that needs to be dealt with through occupational therapy or if we can change things at home and help him that way. I am so thankful for the school that Noah is at because they really curve their curriculum around the student and really pay attention to areas that they are great in and not so great. And I know that if his teacher is saying something is off then I trust her completely. Its all just hard to handle.
So in closing I'm sure you can figure out life is taking us some pretty interesting places and we have no idea whats up the road next for us but we are taking it one day at a time and enjoying the ride, even if its painful and heart wrenching at times. Its our life and we love it!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Progress February 21
Almost out of February and haven't noticed a huge change on the scale but in how my body feels and fits into clothes I have! I started reading a new book about weight loss and how The Lord views us and food and how we need to change our view on how the Lord sees us and then our view on food will change. I'm not done reading it but what I have read so far has opened my eyes to how I have let food control me. I would eat out of bordem, anger, sadness, fear. You name it I would eat! NOT ANYMORE! I am taking my life, emotions and weight back and eating when I am hungry, till I am satisfied (not full) and asking myself when I eat what is my purpose for the food I am consuming. To live and sustain myself or to fill something inside that is off.
I have set a goal to loose 40lbs by June. I broke it down to weeks so I can have littles goals to meet each week. So I have to loose 3 lbs a week to achieve that goal. With this new outlook on food, going to gym,drinking only water and being a lot more conscious about what goes into my body I can do it!
Change is good....Embrace it today!
Its been a while since the last blog. Life gets crazy with 3 children and doesn't give me a lot of free time anymore, but its all apart of the many changes taking place in my life.
The word Change has been on my mind a lot lately. Change: To change the form, nature, content, future course of something that is left alone or different from what it is now. This is the definition of every aspect of my life right now. Everything is changing from our family dynamic, relationships with people we thought would be in our life forever, my health and physical appearance and the list could go on. When things are different from what they have always been like, it can really throw you for a loop. You can doubt yourself and what you believe and how you live your life to the point that you don't really know what way is up. Right now I have 2 choices I can make...1. Resist the change and fight with all my might to keep things like they are or were and pray to God that I can still function in his plans. Or 2. change with my situations and accept the fact that God has other plans for me, my family, friends and paths I thought I was going on. SO I choose number 2! I want to be in the perfect will of God for my life no matter the cost. And it has already cost a lot. No one would know but we have been through such a transition in our life that we are kinda in a tail spin right now and not sure what way is up. From Dave's mom, promises broken from his work that really hurt us financially, having Olivia, reconciling with the fact that not every person in our life will be our "true friends" and being at a complete stand still in ministry.
If you really know me, you know that I can not just sit still and not be involved in things. I love to volunteer and see what I am doing helps people. I use to be involved in pretty much everything at church from Worship ministry to nursery. At this present time I am not apart of a single thing. For a while it felt good to take a break, a step back and really see why I was doing what I was doing. For His glory or mine. And now I just feel like I have gifts and talents that are just going to waist. But I have this inward pull to just sit and wait. I don't wait well! Its all apart of "The Change" in the Sylvain house.
Change isn't a bad thing, just very uncomfortable and different. Children are the greatest example of change. Olivia has already changed in a month from her birth so much she almost isn't the same baby. Thats why the Lord says in Matthew 18:3, " I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." I think Jesus said this because children were made to adapt to change much better then adults. When you reach adulthood you make the decisions to change, try new things become friends with new people, move away etc. but when you are a child change is a normal, natural occurance and doesn't send any shock waves. I say all of this to say, I am ready for change! I will not miss out on what God has for me and my family. I will go with his flow and I will tread the waters till I know the things before me are from him and not apart of my own will. I will stop trying to make things work and hold onto past relationships and let the Lord take me to new and different places and people. And be happy and joyful that I have an amazing husband to come right along side me and cheer me on and change right along with me and behind us 3 great kids that are along for our ride through life together and behind them 2 amazing, wonderful friends that will be with all of us through thick and thin, weight loss and gain, joy and sorrow, life and death.
Change is good, embrace it today!
The word Change has been on my mind a lot lately. Change: To change the form, nature, content, future course of something that is left alone or different from what it is now. This is the definition of every aspect of my life right now. Everything is changing from our family dynamic, relationships with people we thought would be in our life forever, my health and physical appearance and the list could go on. When things are different from what they have always been like, it can really throw you for a loop. You can doubt yourself and what you believe and how you live your life to the point that you don't really know what way is up. Right now I have 2 choices I can make...1. Resist the change and fight with all my might to keep things like they are or were and pray to God that I can still function in his plans. Or 2. change with my situations and accept the fact that God has other plans for me, my family, friends and paths I thought I was going on. SO I choose number 2! I want to be in the perfect will of God for my life no matter the cost. And it has already cost a lot. No one would know but we have been through such a transition in our life that we are kinda in a tail spin right now and not sure what way is up. From Dave's mom, promises broken from his work that really hurt us financially, having Olivia, reconciling with the fact that not every person in our life will be our "true friends" and being at a complete stand still in ministry.
If you really know me, you know that I can not just sit still and not be involved in things. I love to volunteer and see what I am doing helps people. I use to be involved in pretty much everything at church from Worship ministry to nursery. At this present time I am not apart of a single thing. For a while it felt good to take a break, a step back and really see why I was doing what I was doing. For His glory or mine. And now I just feel like I have gifts and talents that are just going to waist. But I have this inward pull to just sit and wait. I don't wait well! Its all apart of "The Change" in the Sylvain house.
Change isn't a bad thing, just very uncomfortable and different. Children are the greatest example of change. Olivia has already changed in a month from her birth so much she almost isn't the same baby. Thats why the Lord says in Matthew 18:3, " I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." I think Jesus said this because children were made to adapt to change much better then adults. When you reach adulthood you make the decisions to change, try new things become friends with new people, move away etc. but when you are a child change is a normal, natural occurance and doesn't send any shock waves. I say all of this to say, I am ready for change! I will not miss out on what God has for me and my family. I will go with his flow and I will tread the waters till I know the things before me are from him and not apart of my own will. I will stop trying to make things work and hold onto past relationships and let the Lord take me to new and different places and people. And be happy and joyful that I have an amazing husband to come right along side me and cheer me on and change right along with me and behind us 3 great kids that are along for our ride through life together and behind them 2 amazing, wonderful friends that will be with all of us through thick and thin, weight loss and gain, joy and sorrow, life and death.
Change is good, embrace it today!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The forgotten valentine...
I don't know where my head is lately. I am just walking around with my head in the clouds I think. So Noah goes to preschool and every week the teacher sends home a letter talking about the week to come. I saw the little section about the valentines party they were having today and thought I read that if you wanted to make cards for all the kids you can. Well I thought about it for a second and that was it. It didn't even cross my mind that my poor little guy would be the only one not giving cards to each other and when all the other moms opened their child's valentines my son would be the only one who didn't give their child one! My mom called me from his school and asked if he has valentines and then it hit me! I am such a mom fail this week! My son doesn't have valentines, I didn't make a treat and I don't plan on doing anything for them for valentines day! I immediately burst into tears and now I feel so terrible I don't want to look at anything with a heart on it! Usually I am so on top of things and a head of the game and have holidays marked on the calender. Since Noah was born we haven't celebrated valentines day per say. He was born on the 7th of February and it was a really rocky start with him so on the 14th we sat at the table eating dinner and said, oh ya its valentines day! We missed it all together and since then thats how its been. Guess now that I see the fail that this holiday is turning out to be I need to change my ways! Moral of the story, if your child has a valentines party, even if you don't know any of the kids names, make them valentines. For heavens sake don't let them be a forgotten valentine!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Progress
So I am going to post my progress of my new found disciplined life on here. So far so good! Olivia and I are still breast feeding and it has its hairy moments but for the most part its great. I love having this bond with her that I didn't get with the boys. As far as the weight loss goes, I refuse to buy a scale! I don't want to know what I currently am so I am going by looks alone at this point. I have started at the gym and I have gone 3 days in a row! I know you're probably looking at this saying, " what, does she want a medal?" Well yes I do! For me this is a great thing and I am impressed with myself. I am so sore today I can barely walk so I am going to take a night off but I feel no guilt about it and thats what counts! I bought that Extra gum that is supposed to taste like a dessert when you are having a sweet craving and it worked! Chocolate use to be my other husband and if I would eat chocolate I would have to have something salty after so it would turn into a snack buffet when I was done. The gum prevents the binge! So if I am going on looks alone....I have a long way to go but at least I am making progress! For now I will keep on keepen on!
L-O-V-E
With valentines day coming I have been pondering Love. If you stop to think about Love you will notice there are so many different kinds of love. Love for your friends, your husband/wife, your children, your neighbors, pets and the list could go on. I've been thinking a lot about the love between husband and wife and mothers and children.
The love that I have for my husband is completely different then the emotions and passions I have towards my children. For Dave I feel such thankfulness, pride, acceptance, joy, boldness etc. For husbands and wives who have children it is so important to make time to be with one another and tell each other how much the other means. Life can get so crazy busy and chaotic at times that our relationships can get lost in the sea of children! For Dave and I we love to spend time together wither it be just talking once the boys have gone to bed( we know it as couch time), watching a movie, having an "at home" date or going out on a real date if we don't get this at least once a week our interactions get a little shaky. We begin to get snippy and short with each other and we all pay for it. Its taken us 5 years to figure out that its okay to take time for us! As parents you can get so guilty about needing to take a breather and just be with your spouse. When your children are born you think you need to spend every waking moment with them or they will end up in therapy saying how mom and dad didn't spend enough time with me. That is so ridiculous! If you and your mate are not okay the children will not be okay.
As for the love I have for my children its different and the same with every child. I know that makes no sense. But there are aspects of each child I adore and they don't all have them. Noah is such a leader and protector of his things and his siblings. I love that about him! Judah is sensitive and really feels peoples pain and joys. That speaks to me so loudly. At the age of 2 he can already feel when I need a hug, when I need to be told he loves me and when I just need to be left alone. I love how God wired that one! Miss Olivia brings such joy where ever we go. Her eyes smile at you when she hasn't seen you in a while. Someone called her a delicate beauty and that has touched my heart since I heard it. She is the apple of her daddy's eye! I love all 3 of them with such a deep passion that it will never be broken. No matter what they do I will always love them. I may not like them at times but the love will always be there.
That type of unconditional, no restrictions, never changing, all consuming love is what the Lord has for us. I know everyone has heard this verse a million times but just think in the mindset of a parent. John 3:16 "But God so LOVED the world that HE GAVE his ONLY SON..." Could you do that? If you were asked to sacrifice a child for the sake of others would you do that? There is no way I could. Lets be honest. God loves this crazy, scary. messed up world enough to give, as a love sacrifice, his only flesh and blood. For what? US! For you and me so we could have the ability to love, laugh and live. The only thing he asks us in return, Matthew 22:37 " LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the greatest commandment." To me thats a little request for such a big sacrifice....
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I choose life
Hi all! Hope you made it through the "storm" safe and warm. I know we sure did, all snuggly and warm relaxing all day long. It was so nice and much needed. Ive been trying to come up with something to write all day. Do I write about my snow storm traditions, or about the kids, or about whats going on in this thick skull of mine.
I decided to go for the thick skull. I need some accountability. I need people to hold me to my word and remind me of my goals and encourage me on my new journey I want to purse. WEIGHT LOSS...gross I know. Its been one of the biggest stumbling blocks in both Dave and I's life. I talked the other day about discipline and how I have none. So obviously I have failed at every diet, work out plan, or vitamin I have ever "committed" to taking. Well, I've come to the point in my life where I need to make myself better not only for me but for my children. With all of the recent changes and life challenges Dave and I have gone through in the past 3 months I HAVE TO DO THIS!
For those of you who don't know I will share about the nightmare that has been our life this last half of the year. Dave and I went to bed the night of November 11th like any other night. I went to bed first and he came later. Dave never puts the sound on his phone. NEVER! So this night he put the sound on and was charging it across the room from us. which he also never does, so it would force him to get up on time and shut his alarm off. at 1:30 in the morning on the 12th his phone rings. So I hit him and push him to get it. He looks at the number and says its a family friend of ours on his parents side. I immediately told him to pick it up something is wrong, but he missed the call. So he takes his phone up to the bathroom with him. Noah and Judah sleep upstairs so I can hear him on there monitor. All I hear him say is, " Dad whats wrong? Where is she? Is she alive?" I jump out of bed and I'm in the bathroom. I don't think me feet hit any stairs. I flew to his side. When I turned the corner he was white as a ghost and said," my mom had a heart attach she is in an ambulance I have to go." My head was spinning. He got dressed and came up stairs and hugged me and just as we hugged I saw the ambulance go by our house with its lights on but no sounds. It was the loudest silence I have ever heard. He left and I didn't hear from him for a while to I text him and asked how she was. I got back, "shes gone kac" I screamed and called him. He could barely talk. I told him to get the doctor and try again. Olivia was on her way try again! She can't leave now try again! our best friends rushed to the house and took me to the hospital. He walked me to her room and I looked at her. Motionless, cold, yellow and purple in spots. I had never seen death and here it was. My mother in law. My husbands mom was lying there but gone far from us. Could she see us? Could she hear us somewhere else? Is she with Jesus? Is she suffering in hell? I pushed all those questions aside when I saw his dad. The love of his life was gone. The one person who gave him everything was gone. I wanted answers, what in the world happened? Why is this happening? The answer: she didn't take care of herself. She had heart disease (which no one knew. We think she didn't even know) and her smoking and drinking made it happen much sooner than it should have. I'm not even going to go into the "if" she had done...she would still be here. All I know is this will not be me!
I want to see all my children grow, graduate, work, marry and give me some grand babies! I want to prove to myself and Dave and our family that I can say what I mean and mean what I say. I will be around, healthy and strong for many many years. I can see in Dave's eyes that he doesn't believe me yet. Heck I don't believe me yet, but I will do this! In a few weeks I am getting a gym membership to a gym that is open 24/7 and I will go no less them 3 times a week. I am looking into different vitamins, healthy weight loss products and energy boosters. Since I am nursing O I have noticed my appetite is raging so I am eating small meals throughout the day and making healthy choices. I have decided to not tell myself I can't have something but instead I can have it but in moderation. I'm setting boundaries for myself. I pray that I can follow them and show my family and friends that I am not a quitter. I can and will be healthy for the long haul. I choose life!!!
I decided to go for the thick skull. I need some accountability. I need people to hold me to my word and remind me of my goals and encourage me on my new journey I want to purse. WEIGHT LOSS...gross I know. Its been one of the biggest stumbling blocks in both Dave and I's life. I talked the other day about discipline and how I have none. So obviously I have failed at every diet, work out plan, or vitamin I have ever "committed" to taking. Well, I've come to the point in my life where I need to make myself better not only for me but for my children. With all of the recent changes and life challenges Dave and I have gone through in the past 3 months I HAVE TO DO THIS!
For those of you who don't know I will share about the nightmare that has been our life this last half of the year. Dave and I went to bed the night of November 11th like any other night. I went to bed first and he came later. Dave never puts the sound on his phone. NEVER! So this night he put the sound on and was charging it across the room from us. which he also never does, so it would force him to get up on time and shut his alarm off. at 1:30 in the morning on the 12th his phone rings. So I hit him and push him to get it. He looks at the number and says its a family friend of ours on his parents side. I immediately told him to pick it up something is wrong, but he missed the call. So he takes his phone up to the bathroom with him. Noah and Judah sleep upstairs so I can hear him on there monitor. All I hear him say is, " Dad whats wrong? Where is she? Is she alive?" I jump out of bed and I'm in the bathroom. I don't think me feet hit any stairs. I flew to his side. When I turned the corner he was white as a ghost and said," my mom had a heart attach she is in an ambulance I have to go." My head was spinning. He got dressed and came up stairs and hugged me and just as we hugged I saw the ambulance go by our house with its lights on but no sounds. It was the loudest silence I have ever heard. He left and I didn't hear from him for a while to I text him and asked how she was. I got back, "shes gone kac" I screamed and called him. He could barely talk. I told him to get the doctor and try again. Olivia was on her way try again! She can't leave now try again! our best friends rushed to the house and took me to the hospital. He walked me to her room and I looked at her. Motionless, cold, yellow and purple in spots. I had never seen death and here it was. My mother in law. My husbands mom was lying there but gone far from us. Could she see us? Could she hear us somewhere else? Is she with Jesus? Is she suffering in hell? I pushed all those questions aside when I saw his dad. The love of his life was gone. The one person who gave him everything was gone. I wanted answers, what in the world happened? Why is this happening? The answer: she didn't take care of herself. She had heart disease (which no one knew. We think she didn't even know) and her smoking and drinking made it happen much sooner than it should have. I'm not even going to go into the "if" she had done...she would still be here. All I know is this will not be me!
I want to see all my children grow, graduate, work, marry and give me some grand babies! I want to prove to myself and Dave and our family that I can say what I mean and mean what I say. I will be around, healthy and strong for many many years. I can see in Dave's eyes that he doesn't believe me yet. Heck I don't believe me yet, but I will do this! In a few weeks I am getting a gym membership to a gym that is open 24/7 and I will go no less them 3 times a week. I am looking into different vitamins, healthy weight loss products and energy boosters. Since I am nursing O I have noticed my appetite is raging so I am eating small meals throughout the day and making healthy choices. I have decided to not tell myself I can't have something but instead I can have it but in moderation. I'm setting boundaries for myself. I pray that I can follow them and show my family and friends that I am not a quitter. I can and will be healthy for the long haul. I choose life!!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Patience is not my middle name!
Have you ever taken a look at what it really takes to be a parent? With 3 children, all at very different stages, I am taking a very hard look at what it means to be a parent and how to handle all of these little spirits that have been entrusted to me. So far I've come to the conclusion that everything you lack is what they need the most. And it causes you to stretch so much I think I will have permanent parenting stretch marks :)
If you know me, you know I am the most impatient person on the planet. When I see something that needs to be done, its done in an instant. I can not stand to wait in line at a store or good grief the DMV! Since really taking a look at my children and myself I have found that patience is the one thing they need from me the most. Now I'm not talking about patience to the point of letting them get away with things and become brats. I'm talking about not holding them to the same standard I hold myself, and expecting things that are absolutely unattainable to them and that is really hard for me. Its a constant battle to remind myself that they are 4,2, and just out of the oven. I can find myself saying," why don't you get it?" and " please just understand!" And in some things they do understand and they are just outright disobedient, in which cases they get disciplined. But for those times that they just don't understand or aren't capable of understanding yet I need more patience.
I have a feeling today is going to be a patience testing day...As I am typing the boys are jumping from their dresser onto the floor and their beds. When I hear these sounds it immediately causes me to start breathing hard and I get instant anxiety. I guess because I know how I want them to behave in their room but thats not happening. Controlling spirit much?! Hey I'm human and I can freely admit I am having a moment. Anyways, I sat down a few minutes ago and just started talking to the Lord and I looked up Patience in the concordance. and went to Colossians 1:11. So I backed up started from verse 1. There is a place in there where Paul and Timothy are speaking life over the people in Colosse and they say, in Kacie terms: " Since we heard about you people we have been praying for you, so that you would have the Godly knowledge which produces wisdom. We pray that the Lord would strengthen you so that you will have great endurance and patience. I sat and really looked at those 2 words together. Endurance and patience. I've been praying that I would be a person of great endurance and discipline because I have none. And here it is! Along with Patience, which I surely lack. These words together have opened my eyes to see that if you lack endurance, the drive to really stick with something and see it through then you can not gain patience or the ability to withstand the delay in something!
So today I speak ENDURANCE over everyone reading this blog. In Jesus name we would be able to endure everyone around us and their downfalls. I speak the peace that surpasses all of our worldly understanding.
Monday, January 31, 2011
My first go at it!
Here I am on the blog seen. I have been thinking about it for a while and today I just went for it. I am calling my blog, " The victorious Mother" because that is what my whole life is about. I strive to be the best mom I can be and if I am doing that then I am victorious. I have 3 wonderful children, who make me crazy, joyful, mad, sad, elated and any/all other adjectives. They are my badge of honor in life. I can not live without them and my husband.
I am starting this blog to mainly help myself. I'm a talker, but only to people who I really know and trust. Those people work all day and can't just sit and talk to me. Sometimes I feel like if I don't just sit down and type or write out how I'm feeling I will bust. There is only so much you can say to a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 17 day old. I want this to be my place to be able to chatter on and on about the stuff I like to do and talk about. What my passions are, what revelations God has given me, what new recipes I am trying and how big my children are getting. I don't really expect anyone to follow this but if you do, please just keep an open mind about me and what I post. This blog isn't to please anyone but myself. So with that said here I go.....
I am starting this blog to mainly help myself. I'm a talker, but only to people who I really know and trust. Those people work all day and can't just sit and talk to me. Sometimes I feel like if I don't just sit down and type or write out how I'm feeling I will bust. There is only so much you can say to a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 17 day old. I want this to be my place to be able to chatter on and on about the stuff I like to do and talk about. What my passions are, what revelations God has given me, what new recipes I am trying and how big my children are getting. I don't really expect anyone to follow this but if you do, please just keep an open mind about me and what I post. This blog isn't to please anyone but myself. So with that said here I go.....
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