Its been WAY to long since I spewed my brain in a blog and today seems as good as any to let it loose. As you already know its been quite the summer for us. Dave quitting his nice stable and predictable job, us moving away from all of our family and friends to practically Canada, Noah having a very hard time adjusting and starting school...the list could go on. So through all of that I obviously learned a lot about myself, Dave and I and our kids. I have learned that nothing is as it seems and can never be the same again. Which in most cases is good and we can live with but in some cases its still just really painful.
When your in school your told you will never stop learning, and they are right. And the same goes for when you are a believer of Christ. You will never stop learning about yourself, no matter how good you think your doing or how "adjusted" you think you are. There is always more to take in and discover. Now this is all fine and good for some one who likes to learn. I on the other hand could live without it most of the time. I have just been in a constant state of discovery, through painful and stretching tests and trials. One lesson I am learning now is life goes on even when I'm not around. I had a great group of friends back home. The best actually, and as I write this I am crying because I miss them with every fiber of my being. But anyways, at any moment if any one of us needed to break away and have some girl time all we needed to do was text each other and say "panera date" and we all knew we needed each other. No matter what we had planned we would drop our lives to listen, laugh, cry or get mad...together. I watch as they make plans and tell stories of times they were all together and laugh with them and be happy for them but can't help feeling so alone. I know I am still in the same state but I mine as well be in the next universe with how far away I feel from all of them now. I am a Israelite in the desert.
Another lesson is my happiness can only come from the Lord. Moving away from everything familiar and comfortable makes you cling to anything and everything that is familiar. So of course my children are clinging to me for comfort, support, acceptance...but instead of me turning to the Lord I have turned to Dave and since he is human has let me down time after time, which isn't his fault. Being in ministry is a very hard job and deff not for the faint of heart. Its long hours, no weekends, can't plan anything cause with a phone call it can all change. This is all very hard to get use to and even harder thrown together with the fact that I have been moved away from everyone I would run to with all these changes and fill my loneliness with. I am learning that the Lord can and will turn my sorrow into Joy and he has directed my path and has planned this since before I was in my mothers womb. But still some days it just doesn't sink in.
So for now, in my life school is STILL in session and I am learning every day a little bit more about myself and how much I really DON"T know about myself, how much the Lord really DOES watch over me and how every SECOND of my being is planned and ordained by the Lord. No matter how hard, lonely or how much I cry, get mad and frustrated with my situation. HE planned this for me and my family for SUCH A TIME AS THIS.
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