Jelly Shoes

This is Judah Joshua also known as my mini me...

  Always such a ham even in peoples wedding photos...

Here is Judah being a stud like his daddy ;) in yet another wedding! I could rent this child out for weddings and make a fortune! 

This little man has such a tender heart and huge calling on his life. You can already tell that this little warrior is going to do amazing things for the Lord some day. He is liked by all that come in contact with him, his personality can make the grumpiest of people smile and this little man is a lesson learner and teacher. He is, however, a human man child and can make my blood boil like none other! He is impulsive, impatient, assumes everything and is LOUD. Did I mention he is just like his mother?! Keepin it real people! 

Today he opened my eyes a little bit to the struggles of being so little in a big big world. Miss O has no summer wardrobe so I bought her some new shoes at Walmart. Not that big of a deal in a big peoples world but to Mr. 2 J's (this is what his daddy calls him) it was the END OF THE WORLD! He became a puddle when she showed him her new jelly shoes. Remember those ladies? I remember having a pink pair that I loved! Ju Ju (also a name we call my poor boy)didn't find this new purchase acceptable. He asked why didn't he get anything and where was his new pair of shoes was. I told him we would buy him some another week and went on with getting lunch ready, groceries away and the kiddos ready for nap time. I thought it was over and life would move on. We came home from getting the oldest little from school and Ju Ju burst into tears again. I asked gently about why he was a blubbering mess. He said the shoes again and I got a little irritated at his nagging about the shoes when I had already told him that his time would come. There was something in his face that said this was a bigger issues then just the shoes. So I called him over to me and held him in my arms. He looked up at me with the most sincere face and said, " Mom this waiting is hard stuff!" Um I felt like taking my palm and slapping it against my forehead. You know one of those "DUH" moments. I keep telling him to have patience and patience is waiting without asking but I neglected to talk about the waiting part. About how when we ask for something and we don't get it right away its not that we won't get it or it won't happen but that we have to wait on the right time and right when you want it isn't usually the right time. This is so applicable in my life! I told his mommy has had to wait for some pretty big things and will probably have to wait for some even bigger things in her life just like he has to wait for new summer shoes. 

Whether its shoes or a house or a college acceptance. We all have to wait, but as parents if we take a step back from our big people word and realize that these little buggers we are raising have no clue about anything we can teach them so much and they can teach us even more. Are you waiting for something and you think it should be right now that it happens? Are you throwing a fit like Judah because you aren't getting what you want? Take a step back and wait. Because all good things come in time.  Judah will learn that when we gets his new shoes, which I will purchase next week. 

Future Back

I could sit here and type about how long its been yada, yada, yada. Yup its been a while! Yup I have gone back on my word about blogging regularly...shot me! I am human. SHOCKER, I know!

Here I am again in the world of words. And boy a lot has gone on this past winter/spring. The weather in northern Maine was horrendous this year and it snowed for a billion days....no exaggeration. There were more canceled church services this year then any other in my life. And since I am a Pastors wife I measure time by church services. With all that snow came a whole lot of dark days which means a whole lot of staying inside. I would love to tell you that I cleaned out all my closets, organized and painted and made home made meals every day. But alas I can not tell a lie. I sat and watched all kinds of stupid mind numbing tv, we ate out a lot, I let laundry pile up and then spent an ENTIRE day digging my way out of mount laundry lot. I did paint....but only 1 room out of the 3 I wanted to have done by june....I HATE PAINTING! When I say it was a horrendous winter do you now believe me???

There is a light at the end of the eternal winter blues that I went through..By the way...I absolutely blame the never ending winter on Disney! No need to embellish upon that, if you are human you know what I am sayin! Back to the light...I am actually not sure what changed exactly. It could have been the fact that I was so sick of sucking in my over weight stomach to button my pants, or the fog I walked around in for months, or how annoying I was to myself never mind my poor family. But I decided to do something for myself and try a lifestyle change in the area of eating and exercising. It killed me! I needed to be killed. After 30 days it really worked! For the first time since having children I felt like myself again. Noah, my oldest, is 7...yes I said 7! Its been 7 years since I really felt like myself, good in my skin. Not great yet but good. I have dropped 22lbs and over 30 inches since March 8th. YAY ME! I am one PROUD woman! And I think its okay to be proud of myself in this area. Don't rain on my parade.

I have had this great momentum in staying disciplined and motivated in eating correctly, exercising, running races, being able to say NO to foods I use to love and loved me back in all the wrong places. UNTIL after our women's retreat when I can home so exhausted I couldn't get off the couch. When I get to that level of exhaustion I get sick so of course I got very ill last week with a horrific cold. Ive been getting better and stronger, I mean really how can a cold knock you out like this?! I was shocked but relieved in a way. I didn't want to get off the couch again. I watched mind numbing tv, mount laundry lot was back and I did't really answer my phone. Im gonna say it like it is, I was depressed. Its a battle I wage war against every day. Its a real battle. And last week it had its way with me.

In the midst of last weeks battle I was trolling on Itunes seeing whats new and improved in the music world I love. I came across this worship group called Fellowship Creative. They are great! go check them out if you haven't heard of them. Funky, cool sound with powerful lyrics. Well I played them in the car on the way to get my oldest ones from school. Since my children are my offspring they have an impeccable recollection for lyrics and melodies, a gift and a curse in this case. There is this one song that Miss O is obsessed with called Future Back. She learned the lyrics in 2.5 seconds it seems and DEMANDS and when I say demands she screams and cries until this song is on and repeating the entire ride. I have gotten pretty sick of this demand. Until yesterday. We were waiting for Noah to get out of school and Miss O got her way and this song was on repeat. I had been chatting with one of my girl friends about my lack of motivation and not in so many words she said GET YOUR BEHIND OFF THAT COUCH AND MOVE WOMAN! And to that I replied with a NO. But then I finally heard it. I heard the message of the song my daughter has been demanding. It really wasn't her demanding it was the Holy Spirit through her trying to wake me up to the lyrics of this song....Future Back by Fellowship Church

Chorus:
Take One Step Forward And Don’t Look Back
Cause Your Past Is Dead And Gone
Your Chains Are Broken, Take Your Future Back
Cause The Best Is Yet To Come

Verse:
We’re Taking One Step Forward And Won’t Look Back
We Used To Be About Us, And Now We Ain’t About That
Yeah, We’re Living For A Place In The Future
With Unshakable Hope And A Brand New Life
Yeah, We Gave It All To You And Became Alive
And We Will Shine Like The Stars Forever

I took one step forward to my future a few months ago and the enemy isn't going to bring me back to those dark days. I use to be all about me but now I aint about that! What I am about is being a healthy vessel for the Lord to use, change and grow into whatever He wants. Its a new season 'round here and I'm TAKIN MY FUTURE BACK!

Being aware

Today has been a hurry up and wait kinda day. For some its been very hard to have a day like today. The ones who have been here before or on a missions trip just want to be doing things and being put to work. The ones who haven't are just taking it all in and enjoying the sights, sounds, faces and presence of Guatemala and its villages. We did go another boat but it was a much smoother ride. More like a canoe ride then a white water rafting trip. And it was beautifully breathe taking. 

Breakfast was very good and filling and I am praising God for that because i hadn't really eaten in 2 days because I can't get past the mushy texture of foods and haven't been able to stomach a lot. Needless to say I have been very hungry which in turn makes me very tired. For me so far it's been a very very hard trip. Weather changes, surprise boat rides, strange food, no real direction on what to do or where to go....I am BEYOND stretched. Really fighting against homesickness and desiring my comfortable life back home. Where everything is familiar, weather is dependable, my husband and children are there and I don't have to get in a boat! But what would I learn if it was comfortable? So I'm trying very hard to be aware of a lesson or self revelation in everything that happens. 

Got back into the city just to eat, pack our stuff, sleep( if you can), and shower cause tomorrow we are off to church then driving 6 hours.  we will be off to Rio Dolce where we will be until Friday. Please be praying for endurance, patience, rest but above all that I'm aware of moments The Lord wants to use me. Missing home in every way. 

Pacific Adventure

Row row row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream. Right? That's how the song goes? Well today we weren't rowing down a stream it was more like crossing the rough Pacific Ocean and we NOT so merrily doing so. 

Left Guatemala City and drove into Monterico. The drive was fine cause I couldn't see out the window to notice how many almost accident we could've gotten into. Pulled into the retreat center looked around and left for El Dormedo. A tiny little village you have to take a boat to....that no one told us about.  All of us shuffle out of the van, took 1 look at the boat and looked at each other. It was suggested we take 2 trips but the Guatemalan men said, " oh no we fine". Looking at the Sea then back at the boat I about had a heart attack. I did have a slight panic attack after everyone got on and the water started to come in the boat every time we hit a little wave from the ocean. One of my worst fears is drowning in an ocean. So there I was in a dinky boat with a ton of people in the middle of a very rough and unforgiving ocean. We made it across with lots of tears on my part and some major uneasiness from my other members. 

Next we had lunch in Pastor Vinecios church. It's one that when Dave went he got to go to and play with the kids. It's was hard on me today thinking about him and the kids considering it was our 10 year together anniversary :) Watching the children as we sat down like kings to a big lunch just stare at us and beg for our attention was heart wrenching.  Watching one little girl receive a tiny Dora doll was the high light of my day. Her little shy face accepting this great gift melted my heart. We played and made braclets and watched gigantic pigs run around for a while then headed back towards the boats. The Lord heard my cry and we did split up into 2 boats which was MUCH better. 

Watching the sun set while laying in a hammock on the third story of a building listening to the Pacific Ocean roar was exactly what I needed. My amazing husband wrote me a card for every day I'm gone so I read that and had a good cleansing cry....ladies you know what I'm talking about. Glad to be putting day 1 behind me nervous for day. Word on the street is it will involve another boat...

Yucky white paper

Roosters, people, dogs oh my, roosters people dogs oh my, roosters people dogs oh my. The sounds of the city are alive and loud this morning. The sky a beautiful purple pink as it fades into a light blue while I type. I feel like my senses are on overload. 

 

We arrived last night, not sure what time, after a very bumpy plane ride through a gigantic lightning and rain storm high up in the clouds. It was incredible to see the bolts just dance off the thick clouds. No luggage was lost or damaged and we soared right through customs. They took one look at all our bags and us and asked 2 questions and away we quickly scurried. The drive through the city at night was amazing. The people all around, even at night, the big huge building ever made or decorated out of scrap metal and signs. Just so different for me but my heart is loving it. Today I am asking The Lord to make me and my teammates so aware of what's around us and take it all in. It's just so....foreign ;) 

Today we are heading to Montirico to look around and visit. Not quite sure if we have anything concrete planned. As is in a few days all we will see is concrete as we build a "camp" in Rio Dolce for the rest of the week. Please be praying for rest and health as we continue this trip. It's not a great place for sleep and with little sleep immune systems tend not to be at their best. Also please pray I remember to not flush the toilet paper! Gosh that's a hard one to remember since trying to potty train Olivia I have been teaching her to flush yucky white paper :D  and above all that we would be used by The Lord for whatever he wants us to do.

Motion sickness is for the birds

Tossing and turning and mind racing from the days events and the days to come journeys is what's keeping me from sleeping. My adventure began today and not quite how I would expect it to.

Said goodbye to the kids, husband and mother which went pretty well I must say. I didn't cry like such a baby as I thought I was going to. I took some motion sickness meds before I left to help with the journey down. As we pulled out of the church I started to feel a little funny. My nose was tingly, my right side of my tongue had no feeling, when I swallowed I could only feel the left side, my right arm was pins and needles and I had major weakness. I took some deep breathes and started to pray. It got to the point where I told my team members in my vehicle they needed to pray cause there is something really wrong. Long story short I had side effects to the motion sickness medication which I have taken before....pretty much my whole life and haven't EVER had a reaction to it.

So today as I lay here soaking up the last few minutes I have in a soft, comfy, clean American bed I am thankful for another day and for the unknown journey that awaits me. I have been listening to all the planes that have been taking off since 4am and with every new plane my excitement and nerves grow. Some people go there whole lives without really living it and only staying in their bubble. Well I'm not one of them. I'm living! It feels strange and unfamiliar but I won't feel guilty for leaving my family I'm going to take in all the sights, sounds and smells. But above all I am going to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

The best of HIS intentions

Reading is not one of my favorite past times but lately I have been so into The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Its a book on prayer and praying through things. Not giving up dreams, visions and unanswered prayers.

It hit me today when I was reading, God is not a God of  MY space and time. How often do we really think about the difference in timing God has then us? Only when we need him to move on something we are praying about is how I have seen it in the past. I haven't stopped to really think about how different God's time is from mine. We always hear, " in God's timing..." I can't stand that statement cause I am a human living in 2013 and I want what I want and I want it now! Our society is teaching us that we can have everything our own way right when we want it?!

But it hit me today...Gods space and time is so vastly different then mine I can't even comprehend it. When I pray and nothing happens my words aren't just out there in the universe floating around. They are captured in His space and His time. Mark Batterson talks about how  Isaiah gave us a glimpse of how big and far God is. " As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways high than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Mark Batterson goes on to say, " The outer edge of the universe, according to astrophysicists, is 15.5 billion light years away  if it seems incomprehensible, its because its virtually unimaginable. yet God says that this is the distance between His thoughts and ours. so here's my thought: your best thought on your best day falls 15.5 billion light-years short of how great and how good God really is."  And even with all that unimaginable space between us he still answers.

Gods watch is way off from ours and all that space, in my human feeble mind, makes it impossible for my prayers to be answered. But he does it! He hears every word and knows every thought in our heads, good and bad. And cares. Even with 15.5 billion light-years of calculated space between us. When he says no on something and I am devastated I need to keep praying and being watchful because he does have something better for me. It may be 10 years down the road. But compared to 15.5 billion light-years of space and time 10 years is nothing!

My take away from today is: Even with unimaginable space and time between us my God is a great listener and he does answer every prayer with the best of HIS intentions on HIS mind.