Progress February 21

Almost out of February and haven't noticed a huge change on the scale but in how my body feels and fits into clothes I have! I started reading a new book about weight loss and how The Lord views us and food and how we need to change our view on how the Lord sees us and then our view on food will change. I'm not done reading it but what I have read so far has opened my eyes to how I have let food control me. I would eat out of bordem, anger, sadness, fear. You name it I would eat! NOT ANYMORE! I am taking my life, emotions and weight back and eating when I am hungry, till I am satisfied (not full) and asking myself when I eat what is my purpose for the food I am consuming. To live and sustain myself or to fill something inside that is off. 

I have set a goal to loose 40lbs by June. I broke it down to weeks so I can have littles goals to meet each week. So I have to loose 3 lbs a week to achieve that goal. With this new outlook on food, going to gym,drinking only water and being a lot more conscious about what goes into my body I can do it! 

Change is good....Embrace it today!

Its been a while since the last blog. Life gets crazy with 3 children and doesn't give me a lot of free time anymore, but its all apart of the many changes taking place in my life.

The word Change has been on my mind a lot lately. Change: To change the form, nature, content, future course of something that is left alone or different from what it is now. This is the definition of every aspect of my life right now. Everything is changing from our family dynamic, relationships with people we thought would be in our life forever, my health and physical appearance and the list could go on. When things are different from what they have always been like, it can really throw you for a loop. You can doubt yourself and what you believe and how you live your life to the point that you don't really know what way is up. Right now I have 2 choices I can make...1. Resist the change and fight with all my might to keep things like they are or were and pray to God that I can still function in his plans. Or 2. change with my situations and accept the fact that God has other plans for me, my family, friends and paths I thought I was going on. SO I choose number 2! I want to be in the perfect will of God for my life no matter the cost. And it has already cost a lot. No one would know but we have been through such a transition in our life that we are kinda in a tail spin right now and not sure what way is up. From Dave's mom, promises broken from his work that really hurt us financially, having Olivia, reconciling with the fact that not every person in our life will be our "true friends" and being at a complete stand still in ministry.

If you really know me, you know that I can not just sit still and not be involved in things. I love to volunteer and see what I am doing helps people. I use to be involved in pretty much everything at church from Worship ministry to nursery. At this present time I am not apart of a single thing. For a while it felt good to take a break, a step back and really see why I was doing what I was doing. For His glory or mine. And now I just feel like I have gifts and talents that are just going to waist. But I have this inward pull to just sit and wait. I don't wait well! Its all apart of "The Change" in the Sylvain house.

Change isn't a bad thing, just very uncomfortable and different. Children are the greatest example of change. Olivia has already changed in a month from her birth so much she almost isn't the same baby. Thats why the Lord says in Matthew 18:3, " I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." I think Jesus said this because children were made to adapt to change much better then adults. When you reach adulthood you make the decisions to change, try new things become friends with new people, move away etc. but when you are a child change is a normal, natural occurance and doesn't send any shock waves. I say all of this to say, I am ready for change! I will not miss out on what God has for me and my family. I will go with his flow and I will tread the waters till I know the things before me are from him and not apart of my own will. I will stop trying to make things work and hold onto past relationships and let the Lord take me to new and different places and people. And be happy and joyful that I have an amazing husband to come right along side me and cheer me on and change right along with me and behind us 3 great kids that are along for our ride through life together and behind them 2 amazing, wonderful friends that will be with all of us through thick and thin, weight loss and gain, joy and sorrow, life and death.

Change is good, embrace it today!

The forgotten valentine...

I don't know where my head is lately. I am just walking around with my head in the clouds I think. So Noah goes to preschool and every week the teacher sends home a letter talking about the week to come. I saw the little section about the valentines party they were having today and thought I read that if you wanted to make cards for all the kids you can. Well I thought about it for a second and that was it. It didn't even cross my mind that my poor little guy would be the only one not giving cards to each other and when all the other moms opened their child's valentines my son would be the only one who didn't give their child one! My mom called me from his school and asked if he has valentines and then it hit me! I am such a mom fail this week! My son doesn't have valentines, I didn't make a treat and I don't plan on doing anything for them for valentines day! I immediately burst into tears and now I feel so terrible I don't want to look at anything with a heart on it!  Usually I am so on top of things and a head of the game and have holidays marked on the calender. Since Noah was born we haven't celebrated valentines day per say. He was born on the 7th of February and it was a really rocky start with him so on the 14th we sat at the table eating dinner and said, oh ya its valentines day! We missed it all together and since then thats how its been. Guess now that I see the fail that this holiday is turning out to be I need to change my ways! Moral of the story, if your child has a valentines party, even if you don't know any of the kids names, make them valentines. For heavens sake don't let them be a forgotten valentine!

Progress

So I am going to post my progress of my new found disciplined life on here. So far so good! Olivia and I are still breast feeding and it has its hairy moments but for the most part its great. I love having this bond with her that I didn't get with the boys. As far as the weight loss goes, I refuse to buy a scale! I don't want to know what I currently am so I am going by looks alone at this point. I have started at the gym and I have gone 3 days in a row! I know you're probably looking at this saying, " what, does she want a medal?" Well yes I do! For me this is a great thing and I am impressed with myself. I am so sore today I can barely walk so I am going to take a night off but I feel no guilt about it and thats what counts! I bought that Extra gum that is supposed to taste like a dessert when you are having a sweet craving and it worked! Chocolate use to be my other husband and if I would eat chocolate I would have to have something salty after so it would turn into a snack buffet when I was done. The gum prevents the binge! So if I am going on looks alone....I have a long way to go but at least I am making progress! For now I will keep on keepen on!

L-O-V-E

With valentines day coming I have been pondering Love. If you stop to think about Love you will notice there are so many different kinds of love. Love for your friends, your husband/wife, your children, your neighbors, pets and the list could go on. I've been thinking a lot about the love between husband and wife and mothers and children.

The love that I have for my husband is completely different then the emotions and passions I have towards my children. For Dave I feel such thankfulness, pride, acceptance, joy, boldness etc. For husbands and wives who have children it is so important to make time to be with one another and tell each other how much the other means. Life can get so crazy busy and chaotic at times that our relationships can get lost in the sea of children! For Dave and I we love to spend time together wither it be just talking once the boys have gone to bed( we know it as couch time), watching a movie, having an "at home" date or going out on a real date if we don't get this at least once a week our interactions get a little shaky. We begin to get snippy and short with each other and we all pay for it. Its taken us 5 years to figure out that its okay to take time for us! As parents you can get so guilty about needing to take a breather and just be with your spouse. When your children are born you think you need to spend every waking moment with them or they will end up in therapy saying how mom and dad didn't spend enough time with me. That is so ridiculous! If you and your mate are not okay the children will not be okay.

As for the love I have for my children its different and the same with every child. I know that makes no sense. But there are aspects of each child I adore and they don't all have them. Noah is such a leader and protector of his things and his siblings. I love that about him! Judah is sensitive and really feels peoples pain and joys. That speaks to me so loudly. At the age of 2 he can already feel when I need a hug, when I need to be told he loves me and when I just need to be left alone. I love how God wired that one! Miss Olivia brings such joy where ever we go. Her eyes smile at you when she hasn't seen you in a while. Someone called her a delicate beauty and that has touched my heart since I heard it. She is the apple of her daddy's eye! I love all 3 of them with such a deep passion that it will never be broken. No matter what they do I will always love them. I may not like them at times but the love will always be there.

That type of unconditional, no restrictions, never changing, all consuming love is what the Lord has for us. I know everyone has heard this verse a million times but just think in the mindset of a parent. John 3:16 "But God so LOVED the world that HE GAVE his ONLY SON..." Could you do that? If you were asked to sacrifice a child for the sake of others would you do that? There is no way I could. Lets be honest. God loves this crazy, scary. messed up world enough to give, as a love sacrifice, his only flesh and blood. For what? US! For you and me so we could have the ability to love, laugh and live. The only thing he asks us in return, Matthew 22:37 " LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the greatest commandment." To me thats a little request for such a big sacrifice....

I choose life

Hi all! Hope you made it through the "storm" safe and warm. I know we sure did, all snuggly and warm relaxing all day long. It was so nice and much needed. Ive been trying to come up with something to write all day. Do I write about my snow storm traditions, or about the kids, or about whats going on in this thick skull of mine.

I decided to go for the thick skull. I need some accountability. I need people to hold me to my word and remind me of my goals and encourage me on my new journey I want to purse. WEIGHT LOSS...gross I know. Its been one of the biggest stumbling blocks in both Dave and I's life. I talked the other day about discipline and how I have none. So obviously I have failed at every diet, work out plan, or vitamin I have ever "committed" to taking. Well, I've come to the point in my life where I need to make myself better not only for me but for my children. With all of the recent changes and life challenges Dave and I have gone through in the past 3 months I HAVE TO DO THIS!

For those of you who don't know I will share about the nightmare that has been our life this last half of the year. Dave and I went to bed the night of November 11th like any other night. I went to bed first and he came later. Dave never puts the sound on his phone. NEVER! So this night he put the sound on and was charging it across the room from us. which he also never does, so it would force him to get up on time and shut his alarm off. at 1:30 in the morning on the 12th his phone rings. So I hit him and push him to get it. He looks at the number and says its a family friend of ours on his parents side. I immediately told him to pick it up something is wrong, but he missed the call. So he takes his phone up to the bathroom with him. Noah and Judah sleep upstairs so I can hear him on there monitor. All I hear him say is, " Dad whats wrong? Where is she? Is she alive?" I jump out of bed and I'm in the bathroom. I don't think me feet hit any stairs. I flew to his side. When I turned the corner he was white as a ghost and said," my mom had a heart attach she is in an ambulance I have to go." My head was spinning. He got dressed and came up stairs and hugged me and just as we hugged I saw the ambulance go by our house with its lights on but no sounds. It was the loudest silence I have ever heard. He left and I didn't hear from him for a while to I text him and asked how she was. I got back, "shes gone kac" I screamed and called him. He could barely talk. I told him to get the doctor and try again. Olivia was on her way try again! She can't leave now try again! our best friends rushed to the house and took me to the hospital. He walked me to her room and I looked at her. Motionless, cold, yellow and purple in spots. I had never seen death and here it was. My mother in law. My husbands mom was lying there but gone far from us. Could she see us? Could she hear us somewhere else? Is she with Jesus? Is she suffering in hell? I pushed all those questions aside when I saw his dad. The love of his life was gone. The one person who gave him everything was gone. I wanted answers, what in the world happened? Why is this happening? The answer: she didn't take care of herself. She had heart disease (which no one knew. We think she didn't even know) and her smoking and drinking made it happen much sooner than it should have. I'm not even going to go into the "if" she had done...she would still be here. All I know is this will not be me!

I want to see all my children grow, graduate, work, marry and give me some grand babies! I want to prove to myself and Dave and our family that I can say what I mean and mean what I say. I will be around, healthy and strong for many many years. I can see in Dave's eyes that he doesn't believe me yet. Heck I don't believe me yet, but I will do this! In a few weeks I am getting a gym membership to a gym that is open 24/7 and I will go no less them 3 times a week. I am looking into different vitamins, healthy weight loss products and energy boosters. Since I am nursing O I have noticed my appetite is raging so I am eating small meals throughout the day and making healthy choices. I have decided to not tell myself I can't have something but instead I can have it but in moderation. I'm setting boundaries for myself. I pray that I can follow them and show my family and friends that I am not a quitter. I can and will be healthy for the long haul. I choose life!!!

Patience is not my middle name!

Have you ever taken a look at what it really takes to be a parent? With 3 children, all at very different stages, I am taking a very hard look at what it means to be a parent and how to handle all of these little spirits that have been entrusted to me. So far I've come to the conclusion that everything you lack is what they need the most. And it causes you to stretch so much I think I will have permanent parenting stretch marks :)

If you know me, you know I am the most impatient person on the planet. When I see something that needs to be done, its done in an instant. I can not stand to wait in line at a store or good grief the DMV! Since really taking a look at my children and myself I have found that patience is the one thing they need from me the most. Now I'm not talking about patience to the point of letting them get away with things and become brats. I'm talking about not holding them to the same standard I hold myself, and expecting things that are absolutely unattainable to them and that is really hard for me. Its a constant battle to remind myself that they are 4,2, and just out of the oven. I can find myself saying," why don't you get it?" and " please just understand!" And in some things they do understand and they are just outright disobedient, in which cases they get disciplined. But for those times that they just don't understand or aren't capable of understanding yet I need more patience. 

I have a feeling today is going to be a patience testing day...As I am typing the boys are jumping from their dresser onto the floor and their beds. When I hear these sounds it immediately causes me to start breathing hard and I get instant anxiety. I guess because I know how I want them to behave in their room but thats not happening. Controlling spirit much?! Hey I'm human and I can freely admit I am having a moment. Anyways, I sat down a few minutes ago and just started talking to the Lord and I looked up Patience in the concordance. and went to Colossians 1:11. So I backed up started from verse 1. There is a place in there where Paul and Timothy are speaking life over the people in Colosse and they say, in Kacie terms: " Since we heard about you people we have been praying for you, so that you would have the Godly knowledge which produces wisdom. We pray that the Lord would strengthen you so that you will have great endurance and patience. I sat and really looked at those 2 words together. Endurance and patience. I've been praying that I would be a person of great endurance and discipline because I have none. And here it is! Along with Patience, which I surely lack. These words together have opened my eyes to see that if you lack endurance, the drive to really stick with something and see it through then you can not gain patience or the ability to withstand the delay in something! 

So today I speak ENDURANCE over everyone reading this blog. In Jesus name we would be able to endure everyone around us and their downfalls. I speak the peace that surpasses all of our worldly understanding.