There are a couple of things that have come up this week that are really testing me emotionally and spiritually. I do believe because I have been so honest in this blog, in allowing what I struggle with to be known to you all, I am really having to walk through it even more. Have you ever prayed about something, asked for more of something like faith, patience or joy and the Lord allowed you to experience a situation that would build more of what you asked for? Not fun! Patience and Grace...
Its so easy for me to open my word, be filled with a surge of faith and pray till I'm blue in the face for someone else, but for me I allow myself to get overtaken with fear, worry, doubt and anxiety fills my chest and my stomach gets in knots. Its a rather uncomfortable feeling. Sometimes I want to tell myself what I know I tell other women, " pick yourself up, open your word, read it out loud so the enemy can hear and repeat till you believe."
One of my biggest downfalls is my mind. Wow is it such a battlefield. I am a thinker and list maker. When I have a quiet moment I can't just sit there with a blank mind and rest. I am thinking about the meeting I had with a women 3 weeks ago wondering how they are doing, how Noah is behaving at school, is Dave making that phone call, is Judah where he should be academically, How will Olivia act when she reaches high school? These are legitimate things I think and worry about on a daily basis. WHY?! I have no idea. God has it all figured out. But does he really? He needs to cure world hunger why does he care about Dave making phone calls?
Psalm 34: 4 " I sough the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 8: Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 9: Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing." Its written right in his word. He answers us. He delivers us. He is good to us. When we have a healthy fear of him we lack nothing. Why can't I wrap my own brain around that?
I am allowing my circumstance to over take my faith in the Lord rather then allowing my faith in the Lord to over take my circumstance. Yikes! When I allow this to take place I am belittling how big, marvelous, giving, loving, gracious, ever present the Lord is.
Father,
Forgive me (us) when we allow our circumstance to determine the level of faith and trust we place in you. Lord I repent and ask that today would be a turning point in my life and others. Lord give us an overwhelming knowing that we mean everything to you. Every detail of us was created by you. Like the song says, "like a good father you will take ear and you hold my being. You wrap yourself around every detail of my life. And all I have to do is stay in the palm of your hand because we mean everything to you." Jesus I am freely giving this anxiety, worry, dread, frustration and fear to you. I will wait on you Psalm 130:5 I will wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I put my hope. Father I will open your word and out loud read your promises that you have my best interest in the fore front of your heart. Thank you for adoring me more then I ever should be.
Love,
Your Everything
This song is on repeat while I write this. Listen and allow the words to sink deep. We mean EVERYTHING to Him who should mean EVERYTHING to US.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS9z-uzM3Ho
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