Future Back

I could sit here and type about how long its been yada, yada, yada. Yup its been a while! Yup I have gone back on my word about blogging regularly...shot me! I am human. SHOCKER, I know!

Here I am again in the world of words. And boy a lot has gone on this past winter/spring. The weather in northern Maine was horrendous this year and it snowed for a billion days....no exaggeration. There were more canceled church services this year then any other in my life. And since I am a Pastors wife I measure time by church services. With all that snow came a whole lot of dark days which means a whole lot of staying inside. I would love to tell you that I cleaned out all my closets, organized and painted and made home made meals every day. But alas I can not tell a lie. I sat and watched all kinds of stupid mind numbing tv, we ate out a lot, I let laundry pile up and then spent an ENTIRE day digging my way out of mount laundry lot. I did paint....but only 1 room out of the 3 I wanted to have done by june....I HATE PAINTING! When I say it was a horrendous winter do you now believe me???

There is a light at the end of the eternal winter blues that I went through..By the way...I absolutely blame the never ending winter on Disney! No need to embellish upon that, if you are human you know what I am sayin! Back to the light...I am actually not sure what changed exactly. It could have been the fact that I was so sick of sucking in my over weight stomach to button my pants, or the fog I walked around in for months, or how annoying I was to myself never mind my poor family. But I decided to do something for myself and try a lifestyle change in the area of eating and exercising. It killed me! I needed to be killed. After 30 days it really worked! For the first time since having children I felt like myself again. Noah, my oldest, is 7...yes I said 7! Its been 7 years since I really felt like myself, good in my skin. Not great yet but good. I have dropped 22lbs and over 30 inches since March 8th. YAY ME! I am one PROUD woman! And I think its okay to be proud of myself in this area. Don't rain on my parade.

I have had this great momentum in staying disciplined and motivated in eating correctly, exercising, running races, being able to say NO to foods I use to love and loved me back in all the wrong places. UNTIL after our women's retreat when I can home so exhausted I couldn't get off the couch. When I get to that level of exhaustion I get sick so of course I got very ill last week with a horrific cold. Ive been getting better and stronger, I mean really how can a cold knock you out like this?! I was shocked but relieved in a way. I didn't want to get off the couch again. I watched mind numbing tv, mount laundry lot was back and I did't really answer my phone. Im gonna say it like it is, I was depressed. Its a battle I wage war against every day. Its a real battle. And last week it had its way with me.

In the midst of last weeks battle I was trolling on Itunes seeing whats new and improved in the music world I love. I came across this worship group called Fellowship Creative. They are great! go check them out if you haven't heard of them. Funky, cool sound with powerful lyrics. Well I played them in the car on the way to get my oldest ones from school. Since my children are my offspring they have an impeccable recollection for lyrics and melodies, a gift and a curse in this case. There is this one song that Miss O is obsessed with called Future Back. She learned the lyrics in 2.5 seconds it seems and DEMANDS and when I say demands she screams and cries until this song is on and repeating the entire ride. I have gotten pretty sick of this demand. Until yesterday. We were waiting for Noah to get out of school and Miss O got her way and this song was on repeat. I had been chatting with one of my girl friends about my lack of motivation and not in so many words she said GET YOUR BEHIND OFF THAT COUCH AND MOVE WOMAN! And to that I replied with a NO. But then I finally heard it. I heard the message of the song my daughter has been demanding. It really wasn't her demanding it was the Holy Spirit through her trying to wake me up to the lyrics of this song....Future Back by Fellowship Church

Chorus:
Take One Step Forward And Don’t Look Back
Cause Your Past Is Dead And Gone
Your Chains Are Broken, Take Your Future Back
Cause The Best Is Yet To Come

Verse:
We’re Taking One Step Forward And Won’t Look Back
We Used To Be About Us, And Now We Ain’t About That
Yeah, We’re Living For A Place In The Future
With Unshakable Hope And A Brand New Life
Yeah, We Gave It All To You And Became Alive
And We Will Shine Like The Stars Forever

I took one step forward to my future a few months ago and the enemy isn't going to bring me back to those dark days. I use to be all about me but now I aint about that! What I am about is being a healthy vessel for the Lord to use, change and grow into whatever He wants. Its a new season 'round here and I'm TAKIN MY FUTURE BACK!